found

in finding you, I find myself

Proverbs 8:35 "Who ever finds me finds life..." 

Webster defines find as to discover in the course of time or experience, discover by search or inquiry, ascertain by study. 

Over the past few years I have been away at college in an effort to find myself.  What it is I want to do with my life and who I am. 

In the efforts of defining who I am, I surrounded myself around others who were what I desire to be like.  I had many friends, many girls (I did not date them yet I had plenty around me) fulfilling this image of the guy who has it all together.  To the outside perspective I have it all going on, while inwardly I continue to struggle with finding who I am outside of the emptiness that burns deep within me. I have been looking to find myself from what others say I am, what the world around me in cultural pretext say.  I have look inward to find myself, and what I found was a man who had nothing. I found myself a man who was weak, incapable of love and isolated.  I have been in a state of disarray at times seeing myself as nothing. But I was looking at it through the wrong perspective.

I know now that sometimes all it takes is a perspective change.  Instead of looking inward to find myself, I need to look upward.  Finding what God says about me, not what others around me are saying. Its through seeking the Father, that I will find life.  The bible says that through Christ we are more than conquerers, where we are weak He is strong, through Christ we are made righteous. With a change in perspective suddenly, everything doesn't look so lost.  I have everything that I need to be. 

My hope that through this, someone that is trying to find themselves can look upward and find life. Life does not lie in possessions, popularity, video games or girls, life exist in Christ.  

I have found myself in Christ to be fearfully and wonderfully made. I gain purpose and passion to live life outside of myself.  Looking to one's self can only get you so far.  I have run out of self, now God steps in and carries me the rest of the way. 

I challenge you to take a moment and find God, find what He has to say about you and discover life.  

what now?

I have found myself being asked the question,"what are you going to do once you graduate?" a lot over the past few months.  To which I stop with some what a puzzlement look on my face. This is not a deep theological, critical thinking question but one I should be able to answer right off the bat.  For the past three years I have been studying at Lee in the field of Pastoral Ministries.  So my initial response is that I would like to go into full-time ministry. But, as I have discovered over the past few years, ministry is a much broader term than what I had originally thought when I started down the path to ministry over five years ago. I am lost in a tangle of directions with no real sense of what kind of ministry I feel lead to do.  Over the past five years I have been involved in leading worship, youth ministry, evangelism and recently young adults ministry and graphic design. I took last semester off to regroup and rediscover my passion and after an eight month internship leading in a young adults ministry and working with youth I am still in the same predicament.

I know this, I am content to do what ever the Lord leads me to do in whatever direction He leads. I am reminded time and time again in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans that are before me.  I live my life daily in search of that which He has planned. 

So what now, I seek after the One who has seen me in the high places and the low places and guides my every step. I do not have the answers, at one time I thought I had it all planned out but shortly after that God rocked my world and flipped everything upside down. So, I would rather live life on the edge, but diligently living a life in a relentless pursuit after God.